Today I got out of bed before noon. I went shoe shopping with my mother, went out for a quick meeting, bought a sundae on the way back. I went jogging. I checked my ask.fm for messages and deliberated on a tweet. I kissed my dog. I daydreamed about a boy.
I don’t mean to drive you away with mundane narrations of my afternoon, but I just want to be honest. I stuttered and forgot words while I was talking to someone today. I got blisters on my feet, had a bad stomach, and got really excited about shoes. I didn’t have any noteworthy talks. I couldn’t finish any poetry.
My view count increased tenfold in the last couple of days, and my comment and follower counts have more than tripled. I can’t deny how thrilled I was, because recognition is always sweet. But the previous post is one of the best things I’ve written in a while. It was honest and personal, stemming from a favorite memory I’ve been saving for a good time. You found me at a good time. I’ve come here to tell you that it won’t always be this good.
On some days, I’ll talk about a YA book or a movie, what I want for my birthday, self-improvement, or one of the lists I write when I’m uninspired. If I feel like it, I will write about breakfast if breakfast is what made me happy today. I won’t always have something mind-puzzling to say, and I probably won’t talk about M anymore. You don’t need to be okay with that.
I probably didn’t need to publish this post, to notify you or to ask for you permission about where I’m going next. It’s just that, in the aftermath of my musings receiving so much attention, I felt crippled. I couldn’t for the life of me write anything new anymore because I felt like I had raised the standards for myself.
(Not to mention that finally talking about M in public and, instead of being misjudged, being told that our strange friendship was beautiful — was very comforting and affirming. Let’s just say it brought out the ‘feels’ in me and left me wordless.)
Anyway, I’m writing this so I can see it and so I can stand by it. I write for me. I tell my stories for me. I will not get featured and complimented for every post I publish and that is absolutely okay.
Enlightenment is my enlightenment, and laundry is my laundry. Let it be a wonderful coincidence should you find that you enjoy both. Now, let me pick up my pen and continue.
* Title quote is a Zen Proverb.