2452: update

Where did July go? How did July go?

I often say my months have ‘personalities’. March is my spring, my better days; June and July will always be my summer months; and August is (almost) never ever good to me. I wonder if you see why I’m worried. Summer hasn’t been so bright, but tomorrow the rains start pouring in.

Still, the perks of being a far-away-from-home kid is that the past comes to you in erratic surprise visits, and you’re forced to confront how much you have changed since the last time. Family friends came to visit last Sunday, and that happened. The kids were suddenly bigger; the kind of words they used were smarter; the way I thought about life and people and relationships was very, very different.

I have been trying to find out what it is exactly that makes me happy, and by happy I mean not-sad. It turns out after all that I am not-sad when I am busy.

But there’s more.

Being busy does not make me happy either, it only means I am not-sad. Being busy means that I can pretend to be doing something with my life and I can tell myself, “At least you’re trying,” when things get too much, and it cuts down my reasons for being hard on myself. And being hard on myself, apparently, is the most common cause of my being not-happy.

* * *

My favorite things this July:

  • a new puppy in the family ❤
  • art and design seem to be back in my life
  • a visit from our family’s favorite baby boys
  • Library afternoons
  • those few rewarding moments when I feel like I did something right
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5 comments
  1. Roberta said:

    Simply said. I agree. I am reading a book that you might like called Manuscript Found in Accra by Paulo Coelho. Good Read. You might like the website goodreads dot com

    • Apple said:

      Checking the book right now! :) I have a Goodreads and am usually active there; I have just not had the time for books lately.

  2. You really like the word “erratic, do you? Haha.

    • Apple said:

      So it seems I do ;) I love how it sounds like a tiny, jittery movement.

      • Right. Hahaha. But other than just “liking” the word, are you really “erratic?” :)

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