An update, a happy list

Hao Jan Chang

Things haven’t been so good.

This week I’m recovering from a weird, emotional breakdown that hit me over the weekend, just when I was trying to put myself in order. I don’t get it. I don’t fully understand what takes place whenever I get stuck — especially when the world has me convinced that getting yourself unstuck is easy. Apparently, it’s not true.

I want to talk some more about what happened, for several reasons, and I have long believed that conversations about mental health are important. Yet, it doesn’t seem to be the time. Right now it feels like talking about it might bring me back there, and I don’t want to risk it. It’s such an uneasy time, and I am trying to learn to hold these things in.

For now, a few reminders of happiness for me:

  • 9 new rolls of washi tape from Hey Kessy!
  • This guy.
  • School visits. It surprises me whenever I realize how much of a home I found and made in Ateneo. I wish that I could go back and do it all over, and appreciate it more.
  • I’m catching up on some of my goals for the year by learning new things: I got a slow start into calligraphy and the ukulele last week.
  • Bursts of inspiration, rare but deep assurances that I am not the only one feeling the way that I do. Let’s file it under “good feelings.”
  • Birthday week/month is approaching fast. Who wants a wishlist?
  • FRIENDS and One Tree Hill marathons.
  • Hope. Tiny, tiny, tiny drops of hope. They make all the difference, don’t they?

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